6 Miss Happiest Couple Avoid Early: Therapist
In a relationship, the action is not too small. Every little change that causes problems.
As a couple therapist with over 30 years of experience, I have seen my partner repeat many of the same mistakes. Usually these No use patterns It was started early in relationship.
But don’t worry if you’re making some mistakes now. A simple change can go a long way to help turn things around at any time.
There are six general trends that should be avoided in relations, especially in early relationships.
1. That’s the wing
That’s true for most people. We do what was Modeled by us growing upOr maybe the opposite.
We educate ourselves as professionals and parents, but most of us don’t realize we need to learn how to be a good partner. Become a good listenerrepairs and continually invests in maintaining connections.
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I encourage you to see you as a training partner and actively spend your time learning from articles, books, and even therapy.
2. Hold your partner responsible for your happiness and happiness
a A fulfilling relationshipthe place where love continues to grow begins when each person realizes that their happiness and fulfillment belongs to their own hands, not their partners. This is precisely why “relationship with the self” is placed as the first pillar of my book.Soulful marriage: healing relationships with responsibility, growth, priorities, and purpose;“And as a foundation for building long-term love.
When you invest in self-awareness, you set yourself up to live more authentically and happier. Knowing yourself means treating yourself with loving kindness, challenging you to grow into yourself, and ultimately taking responsibility for your happiness.
3. View conflict as a bad sign
One of the most overlooked mistakes is that young couples make stalks out of the belief that a good relationship should be a smooth voyage. Fight or cutting. The misconception prevents them from coming to counseling sooner because they fear that admitting tension means something worse than they actually are.
But living, breathing relationships and marriages actually mean disconnecting and reconnecting multiple times. This is how we build trust and growth. Here’s what couples often say when they first participate in therapy:
“I’m happy you’re here. Your friction is not a bad sign. It means you’re being called to grow. The important thing is that you personally and more Learn how to approach your conflict to help you grow closer. Rather than seeking quick relief or avoiding them, normalize your challenges and accept the problems you are having. Let’s start with that.”
4. You are trying to change your partner
When something about your partner gets under your skin, the natural tendency is to try to change them.
Yes, it’s important to address the issues that are bothering you. But there is often too much focus on what’s wrong. If you feel a tendency to criticize or change your partner, ask yourself:
- “Can I use this moment to become more patient, be safe on my own, tolerant, and unconditionally love?”
- “Is there any growth here?”
- “Do I do something similar?”
- “Are you hoping for perfection?”
- “Are I fully grateful for what my partner is offering?”
5. Lose priorities
At first, it’s easy to take care of your partner. But making sure our peers feel like the most important others in our lives needs to be an ongoing priority.
The most common threat I see in that prioritization is when a couple becomes a family Children. It also prevents too much concern about what others think at the expense of in-laws, work, or partner’s needs and feelings.
Young couples need to keep an eye on the spot, seeking easy ways to fight for their relationship and make their partners take good care of. This could mean having a date night and a growth night.
6. Think small
It’s important to take care of yourself and invest Our own happinessand nurture people in our direct circles and communities. At the same time, we need to think bigger to take advantage of everything that relationships can bring to our lives.
You can search for ways to make the world better – individually and as a couple – add a dimension of strength and satisfaction that the necessary satisfaction in your bond cannot bring.
Don’t feel like you have to save the world in one day. You can start small, volunteering, bringing food to the sick, or welcoming guests to your home. The idea is to feed the part of you who love to give, in a way that continues to expand.
When my husband and I are putting together our energy for others, we see that the spirit of generosity smoothes out our differences and brings us even closer.
Rachel Glick, edd, A licensed professional counselor for over 30 years as a couple and individual therapist. She taught and created workshops for organizations such as YPO, The Kabbalah Center, One Village, University of Missouri, and St. Louis Psychotherapy. He is also the author of Rachel’s “Soulful marriage: Healing relationships with responsibility, growth, priorities and purpose.”
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